Thomas

Thomas woke up one morning and realized that his life was falling apart. His bed was bleeding out stuffing and the room was cold enough to freeze nitrogen; the window had been open all night. It was a small room, space enough to fit his twin size bed and the sofa. The floor was painted with his clothes and belongings; colors and shapes against the brown carpet canvas that depicted his messy mannerisms as if it were a piece of art. He reached for his laptop on the crate near his bed and chose to ignore the cold and hunger once again, it was a typical morning.

The computer awoke with soft whirring noises and made its acquaintance with the conscious world. Thomas, waiting for the laptop to fully boot up, closed his eyes and took a breath of the frigid air to clear his mind.

He had to work today. Work and two extra training sessions so he could keep his job. Hopefully those two sessions will bring up his value in the company and give the uppers at least two reasons to keep him. Thomas had to do well on those sessions, he had failed on the job too much already. If not he had one more year of room so he could improve in the upcoming season.

The laptop had finished booting and Thomas opened up the web browser to check his email. His eyes glanced at each title; "Blah blah spam blah blah", "more spam blah", "Urgent Job Standing". His eyes grew wider when they glanced over the last title and the morning grogginess had suddenly disappeared. He slowly and precisely dragged his mouse over the link and clicked, hoping it would be good news. The words contained inside spoke otherwise; he was on Employment Withheld. He is to be denied re-employment in the next year and the two sessions that he will be taking may be denied as well. The words also described his deadline for a petition to be reinstated into the payroll of the company and that he may face unemployment in the next coming months. Fucked. Royally fucked. That's what he was.

Breathing was becoming harder, the shallow breaths could not subdue the incoming anxiety and panic that was going to hit him like an oncoming train. What's he going to do now? What's the situation on the two sessions? His mind raced with possibilities of unemployment, living on the streets, abandonment by his close friends; the shame and despair were becoming unbearable. There was no control in his situation. Absolutely stripped of his control and laid out bare at the mercy of the Employment Board and the chances of the world, Thomas felt helpless and incredibly weak.

His eyes darted back and forth, shadows of the racing thoughts in his head trying to understand what to do next, what will happen, what is going to become of him, and why is this happening to him?! In all the timing in the world, why now? His heart climbing into his throat, denying all the air around him, Thomas lay in panic. Lifeless on the bed with his laptop by his side, he didn't know what else to do but weep.

I woke up one morning and realized that my life was falling apart.